Name Sue Treadwell
Age 57
Occupation Administrator
Relationship Divorced, with two daughters aged 26 and 29
Goals To make money for her retirement and to start dating

Sue’s story

Ten years ago, Sue’s world fell apart when her husband left her for another woman. ‘I was traumatised,’ she says. ‘The rejection was shattering and I lost my confidence. For 10 years I really haven’t moved on. I see myself as weak for that, but I know that I have to.’

The divorce coincided with her husband’s business going bankrupt. Sue hadn’t worked outside the home since having children. She took a full-time job as an administrator for a small construction company and earns £16,000 a year – just enough to support her day to day and pay the rent on her housing association home.

She will turn 60 in three years’ time, and anticipates that she will have to retire then. ‘I worry about the future. Some people live one day at a time, and I try to do that – but I would love some ideas of how I can help myself, and not be dependent on either the state or my daughters.’

She has taken up pottery as a hobby, and makes dishes and pots ‘with added quirky fun’. She would like ideas of how to develop this as a potential source of income. ‘I think a lot of it comes down to developing my confidence,’ she says.

Sue recognises that there are some good things in her life – she has a strong relationship with her daughters, close friendships, and her pottery.

She would now like to have a relationship – ‘not necessarily something really intense, but some companionship would be good,’ she says. She has recently tried the Guardian Soulmates lonely-hearts page, but two fledgling relationships quickly fizzled out.

‘I felt that I couldn’t give 100 per cent because of fear of rejection,’ Sue admits.

Relationship therapist Paula Hall says

When Sue’s husband left she coped because she had to, for her children. There was also some denial – telling herself that she was fine and didn’t need a relationship. Now, 10 years on, she is starting to deal with the emotional side of what happened.

All divorces are different. Sue’s was a car crash. Sue had no time to adjust, and no explanation. What she needs is closure. She has been left with lots of whys. That leaves her full of self-doubt.

Her task now is to work out a narrative of why the relationship failed, so that she can move on. Ideally, when the dust settles, you can get input from the other party to do this. Sue’s husband won’t give her answers, so she must do it herself.

One thing we will do is have an empty-chair dialogue, where we imagine that her husband is there and ask him all of those questions. After 23 years of marriage, it is amazing how many of the answers you can fill in. Once you know what happened, you can take on the bits of responsibility that are yours, and recognise those that aren’t. Then she will be able to move on.

I have also asked Sue to use her pottery skills to make a piece that symbolises herself, to help her see where she is. She needs to believe in herself before she can believe in a relationship. Once she is at the point where she thinks she deserves one, and feels she could make it work, she will be ready to start dating.

First steps to improving self-esteem:

· Work out three key adjectives to describe your most positive points – loving, tender, caring – and repeat them every day.

· Spend time with supportive friends and do things you are good at to build up confidence.

· Open up to the world. Accept invitations. Talk to strangers. Practise your social skills.

Money coach Jenny Duck says

Sue’s situation is typical for someone her age. There are many people facing retirement without savings or a pension. Sue is one step ahead in that she is seeking help three years ahead of retirement, and hasn’t got any debt. She has a good attitude – she’s capable and responsible.

Her financial confidence is low, however. She’d like to set up a business with her ceramics but sees her chances of making a success of it as about one in a billion. In fact it would be a fairly simple process.

First, research your market. Talk to the sort of people who would buy your products. Ask them: would you buy this? How often would you buy it? How much would you pay? Use these answers to work out if the idea is viable, and how to proceed.

I gave Sue some contacts. Prime Initiative assists people over 50 in setting up businesses (primeinitiative.org.uk), Women in Rural Enterprise does a lot of work building confidence (wireuk.org) and businesslink.gov.uk is the government website for people setting up businesses. Sue has three years to plan and set up her business. By then she will know whether it is going to work.

The biggest limitation is not money but imagination. Most retired people want to do something with the rest of their lives, such as setting up a business, travelling or studying. I have a client who went round the world at 65 at no cost by crewing on a yacht. There is no age limit to being self-employed.

First steps to making more money

· You are limited only by your imagination. The less cash you have, the more creative you have to be.

· Ask yourself: how can I fund my dream? Turn ‘I can’t afford it’ into ‘How can I afford it?’.

· Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The best people to ask are people who have been there and done it.

Interviews: Elizabeth Heathcote

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