Sometimes women are so stupid I wish I could pretend I wasn’t one. Today’s “if only we lived in Shakespearean times so that I could dress up as a boy and everyone would fall for it” moment came courtesy of a study by the Women’s Sport and Fitness foundation, which reported that women in the UK are horribly unfit because, among other reasons, they think it makes them look “unfeminine”.

A depression-inducing quarter of women surveyed for the study agreed with the statement “I hate the way I look when I exercise or play sport”. I would love to scoff at this finding and file it away in the “60% longer lashes” category of made-up statistics – if only so many of my own, dear, intelligent, free-thinking lady friends didn’t hold the exact same, ridiculous opinion.

An example: deadlines permitting, I sometimes go running at lunchtime. And almost every time I have my shorts on ready to go, one female colleague or other makes some sort of “oh, aren’t you good?” type comment. When I invite them along, they inevitably say they couldn’t possibly, and it is never because they have bad knees. No, it is because – and I will quote directly now – “my face will go all red/someone might see me/the hairdryer in the showers is rubbish/then I’ll have to do my make-up all over again.” They want to get fit because they don’t like the way they look, but they don’t want to do what it takes to get fit because they don’t like the way they look doing it. This is madness. When did you ever hear a man say he couldn’t play five-a-side because he would get all sweaty?

Perhaps I am a particularly low-maintenance woman, but I honestly couldn’t give a toss if I look all red and bedraggled after a good run, and I care less if anyone sees me en route (though I do have a habit of speeding up and taking more impressive strides if I spot anyone I know as I am going along). I may look a bit of a state, but so what? I would rather be fit and a bit flushed than unfit but with perfect hair.

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