We want our kids to see their bodies as we have since day one: beautiful, strong, and amazing. But the sad truth is, from a startlingly young age, kids begin to have less-than-positive attitudes about their bodies. (A staggering report found that more than half of girls and one-third of boys ages 6 to 8 feel their ideal body is thinner than its current size.) Whether it’s media exposure, peer influence, or messages they’re receiving at home, kids develop their body image sensibilities from a range of factors, says Tori Cordiano, PhD, a clinical psychologist and the director of research at the Laurel School Center for Research on Girls in Shaker Heights, Ohio.
Ideally, parents can become the loudest and most trusted voice and help their children develop a healthy relationship with food, exercise, and their body image. “That’s the essence of body positivity,” says Cordiano, “It’s the acceptance and celebration of all types of bodies, and the celebration of your body’s strengths and abilities, as well as how it looks.”
Try these practices to teach your child good habits and a body-positive mindset from a young age.
1. Model healthy behaviors
How you eat and how you talk about your body (or the bodies of others) has more of an effect than you might think—regardless of how old your kids are. “They really do see and take in every single thing,” notes Cordiano. Eat healthy meals together and do fun physical activities as a family, focusing on the pleasure of moving your bodies and becoming stronger—not on losing weight. One study found that teens were more likely to diet, binge eat, and use unhealthy weight-control methods if their parents gave too many weight-focused messages about food—e.g., “Yikes, that dessert has a LOT of calories!” Instead, make a positive impression by placing an emphasis on overall health, rather than hitting a certain number on the scale or achieving a particular look.
2. Point out photo manipulation and body stereotypes
All of the visuals your kids consume—including video games, TV shows, and social media—contributes to their overall media “diet,” says Cordiano. This can influence everything from how they eat to how they feel. Too often, what kids see in the media encompasses a narrow view of what’s considered “normal,” which can cause them to have doubts about their own appearance. In fact, according to The Selfie Talk, a new initiative from The Dove Self-Esteem Project, 80 percent of girls say they compare the way they look to other people on social media.
Girls take on average up to 14 selfies before choosing one to post, and 25 percent think they don’t look good enough without photo editing. Source: Dove’s The Confidence Kit
With your older kids, discuss how some advertisements and social media images are altered or filtered to make skin look smoother, make people appear taller or thinner, and more.You can turn it into a game. (i.e. Can you spot the Photoshop?!) “Teenagers do not like to be manipulated, so use that to your advantage,” says Cordiano. “Ask them to think critically about how companies may be using images in targeted ways.”
You can also add some “counter-programming” whenever you get the chance, suggests Cordiano. “That can mean something as simple as oh-so-casually leaving a catalog that shows diverse, size-inclusive models on the coffee table where they can see it.”
3. Talk about what bodies can accomplish
Create an encouraging environment at home, where you motivate kids to think positively about what their bodies can accomplish every single day. Ask questions like, “What can you do with those strong arms?” or, “How does your body feel when you play sports/exercise/run around?” The earlier you start doing this, the better, since it can help children develop a self-worth that isn’t entirely tied to their appearance. It teaches them that their body is valuable and worthy of love—not only for how it looks, but for what it allows them to do. (Check out The Dove Self-Esteem Project for free age-specific guides on how to start these conversations.)
4. Keep the focus on talents and character traits
There are a million ways to talk about your child, or anyone else, that don’t involve weight or body talk, says Cordiano. Build their confidence by discussing qualities such as kindness, curiosity, and perseverance, showing that these are more important traits than physical size or appearance. Ask: “What makes a good friend?” or say, “She must have practiced for a long time to be so good at dancing!” Prepare your child for what to do when they hear others commenting, comparing, or criticizing bodies or appearance. Role-play situations where they can try out different responses, such as, “I don’t care what she looks like. She’s friendly, and that’s what matters to me.”
The Dove Self-Esteem Project is a helpful resource for parents to teach their children about body confidence and body image. Want to shop to show your support? For every item product purchased, Dove donates $1 to Boys & Girls Clubs of America
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