When Selma Blair revealed in October 2018 that she had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, she said that she had been having symptoms for a while (since 2011, to be exact) without realizing what was going on.

Now, she’s sharing details from one of her early MS flares, and it sounds awful.

“A beautiful summer night in Miami,” she captioned an Instagram shot of her profile while she was out at dinner. “My flare was already hitting. I didn’t know what was happening.”

Selma then described the flare: “Under the table my leg was dead,” she said.. “I couldn’t stay awake and my right hand couldn’t find my mouth.”

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#tbt. A beautiful summer night in Miami. My flare was already hitting. I didn’t know what was happening. But I sat outside and had a gorgeous dinner with my dear friend. All we have is right now. This. Is the past. But I remember knowing to just feel the warmth in the breeze. The gift of this trip. Under the table my leg was dead. I couldn’t stay awake and my right hand couldn’t find my mouth. But I was happy. My son is asleep next to me. I hear his breathing. That of a tender soul, a young boy who will wake full of energy. I am going to curl up next to him. Cause that is what this wonderful life can bring. The now. The now I love. So… goodnight. 💓💓💓. #now #twinkle

A post shared by Selma Blair (@selmablair) on

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is an often debilitating disease of the central nervous system, according to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. When someone has MS, their body’s immune system attacks nerve endings in the central nervous system, disrupting the flow of information within their brain and between their brain and body, the NIH says.

People with MS experience flares, which are sudden worsening of symptoms or attacks, Amit Sachdev, MD, associate medical director for the department of neurology and ophthalmology at Michigan State University, previously told Women’s Health. These flares can last for days or even months.

Selma recently revealed on Instagram that she’s been in an MS flare for eight months. “It’s a drag. Literally,” she said. When Selma initially revealed her diagnosis, she said that she falls sometimes, drops things, and has a foggy memory. But in a recent interview with Good Morning America, Selma said that, in addition to those other symptoms (mobility issues, fatigue, brain fog), she’s also struggling with spasmodic dysphonia, a condition that makes her voice sound shaky.

While she’s been through a lot, Selma makes her happiness clear—both currently and in the throwback post—noting that her son was next to her while she wrote it. “I hear his breathing. That of a tender soul, a young boy who will wake full of energy. I am going to curl up next to him. Cause that is what this wonderful life can bring. The now. The now I love,” she wrote.

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